I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
