I have demons in me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
