Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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