I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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