is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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