First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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