I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
