Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
