I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
