Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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