One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
