So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
