Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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