I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
