i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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