I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
