i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's always time for handjobs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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