your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
