is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Randomize
