Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
