I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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