So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
