So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was so not down for the gang bang
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
