You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
