Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
