Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
