Your dad touched me again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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