I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
whose parrot is this?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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