I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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