Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
