the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
