Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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