i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
