AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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