Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
