I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
