Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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