Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
