I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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