Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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