As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
