I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
