I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
