Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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