dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
