his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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