i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
