it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
