Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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