If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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