last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
