OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
