oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
