he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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