How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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