Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
