God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
